Friday, November 20, 2015

on distraction

sometimes you try really really hard to think of anything else but

but your mind always draws you back to that one place

some people, places, events, memories are far too difficult and far too unwieldy to just place carefully in a box and push to the back of your consciousness

some memories refuse to be boxed up
they overflow, they spill out
demanding to be recognized
demanding to be relived
over and over and over again

it doesn't matter that it hurts
it doesn't matter that it makes you cry
and cry and cry and cry

some of the hardest memories bring back bad habits with them
ones you thought you left behind
ones you tried so hard to keep in the past
one slip-up 
that's all it takes

but all of this is ultimately good
hurting might be painful but at least it's feeling
expressing those feelings is a good thing
no matter who or what tells you
"don't-" or
"just be-"

sometimes it's important to remind yourself that feeling real feelings is okay
and expressing those feelings is even better

and so i write cards and letters to the ones i love
i take photos and begin personal projects which make me feel better
i talk to the few good ones who talk back
sometimes only listen which
can help even more

anything to
make me feel like i'm still moving
still breathing

i dream but i'm still real
this is real

distraction is temporary
feelings last longer

photos below are of things i liked from a recent trip to chicago
stained glass windows by chagall at the art institute
the winter garden at harold washington library
good light + food at the allis at soho house
sunny morning hang-outs on the balcony of my airbnb
golden peacefulness at lincoln park conservatory
best breakfast + coffee of the trip at caffe streets

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

"are you okay??"

most people don't want the honest response.
a handful of people do.

a handful of people want realness, want secrets spilled, want feelings overturned.

ask the question, but don't expect or look for the response.
don't ever assume you are owed an answer.
the asking is what's important.  

Thursday, September 24, 2015


august was a month of coffee shops.  
exploring, testing, photographing, interacting, hating, loving, 
I recently did a stint as a freelance photographer for an app that is all about coffee, and my job involved my wandering the city neighborhoods to visit local coffee shops, drink coffee, eat the occasional pastry and most importantly, photograph everything.  
there were aspects of this job that I loved, others which proved frustrating to work through and around.  some lessons I took away from this experience:

-it's all about the details for me (of anything, but mostly food, interiors and nature). extreme close up shots are always more appealing to me than long wide shots.  I dislike being shown the whole picture.

-the level of impact people (with, nearby, serving you) can have on you and your overall shooting experience is paramount

(people who yell at + after you on the street will ruin your day, people who smile and are generally enthusiastic about/excited for your work will make your day)

-aesthetic can sometimes mean absolutely nothing 

-having fewer expectations + possessing zero prior knowledge of what you will be confronted with during a shoot is very often the best way to approach it 

-even in a city like New York City, bad coffee exists 
coffee shops featured in this post include Absolute Coffee, Little Zelda, Cafe Rue Dix, Key & Cup, Nolita Mart & Espresso Bar, Pushkin Creperie, Anchor Coffee.